Thursday, June 19, 2014

:D

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Della 1: Sooo.. how is it, Del?

Della 2: :D

Della 1: What's with that grin?

Della 2: Nothing. Just amazed how reserved yet vibrant I can be, at the same time

Della 1: Hm?

Della 2: You know, that "I'm proud with myself" feeling when you finally can talk with steady tone in chronological order, and though there are some intense emotions in your stories, you still can keep it going on track

Della 1: Sounds like everything went well. Good for you

Della 2: Good for us. Well, we'll see :D :D :D

Della 1: What's with that too many grins?

Della 2: I just........ feel glad I'm not that type of person who can easily give up. At that time, the assessor said something like "approach we're doing is exploring the past behavior to predict the future" and by telling my own experiences, I realized how determined I was when pursuing thing I really wanted. I only stopped when I had to. After all, it was not about getting it but about the journey of getting it. So if it can help predicting my future, then I guess there's nothing to worry about

Della 1: There IS one thing

Della 2: What?

Della 1: To decide what you really want. I know there are so many things you wanna do, but to decide which one you're focusing on? This is the thing or not?

Della 2: HAHA. Exactly what dad always ask. I'm sure we can find out during the seeking process. Worry that later

Della 1: That's what I'm most worried about actually

Della 2: :D

Della 1: And you can still grin after this and that -___-

Della 2: Funny, isn't it? We are the same person. We share the same fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and other negativities. But we also share the same hope. And you know what makes people feel so alive? Glimpse of hopes. That's what I'm sharing with you. But thanks anyway for sharing your fears. I've made my decision

Della 1: Such a stubborn

Della 2: Dear, hear. I can feel your insecurity is getting more intense as we get older. You, we, worry more than we should be. But hey! Ain't we combat it everyday? And in fact, it's not that bad. Life is not that scary. It just happens

Della 1: Yeah but........

Della 2: Can I tell you something? At that time, when I was presenting myself, someone asked me "if you really like what you're doing now, why you do this?" I was a bit surprised given that question. I replied "Because I'm ashamed. Of not doing things for the sake of others. All of my life, I was selfish. I still am. I pursue everything for myself. So now is the time to pursue things for those needed" And I put that :D again to end the 7 minutes session

Della 1: So?

Della 2: Well, I've been thinking a lot about this. All I can imagine is Della 30 years from now, regretting everything she didn't do in the past, including this. I just don't want it to happen. At least I must try my best. At least there is something I wanna do for others. That's it. Suddenly all the doubts and fears are gone

Della 1: They're still there. Here. With me

Della 2: Geez, why it's so hard to convince you?! Well, it's me also actually. Been doing this a whole time but still feel weird having a monologue conversation like this

Della 1: I just hate that feeling of disappointment. I know we can always recover ourself sooner or later. But still, I just hate failure, no matter if we're expecting it or not

Della 2: No one is expecting failure anyway -___- Well, if it's really happening, just move on. Gitu aja kok repot tho ndok

Della 1: Easier said than done

Della 2: Whatever. I just feel so sure about it, no regret, no doubt, and nothing to lose. We can always agree to disagree anyway

Della 1: Well, if there's something I have to be glad about, it's your slight of optimism. And yeah, you're right. At least we still have hopes

Della 2: That's my girl!

Della 1: :D

Credit: here

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Bertanya

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"Learning is not how to answer questions, but to ask questions"

Selalu pengen ketawa kalau inget kata-kata itu, lupa siapa yang ngucapin.

Dua bulan terakhir ini gw sangat menikmati momen-momen menyimak sekumpulan ilmuwan ngariungan untuk merumuskan pertanyaan besar dan mendasar.

Susah. Membuat pertanyaan yang tepat itu minta ampun susahnya ternyata. Lebih susah dari menjawab pertanyaan dengan tepat.

Kalau udah ada pertanyaannya kan kita 'tinggal' nyari jawabannya. Lah kalau pertanyaannya aja gada? Apa yang mau dijawab?

Selama ini kita disuguhi berbagai macam soal yang harus kita jawab. Pernah ngga dibalik, disuguhi berbagai macam jawaban yang harus kita tanya?

Tantangan berikutnya, menjawab kembali pertanyaan yang tadi ditanyakan. Kalau bisa dengan mudah dijawab, berarti pertanyaannya belum tepat.

Susah? Emang. Tapi dari situlah kita belajar. Dari mana? Dari bertanya.

Rahasia

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"Don't let them in. Don't let them see" -Elsa (Frozen, 2013)

Semua orang punya rahasia. Sesuatu yang ngga pengen orang lain tau. Siapa pun tanpa terkecuali. Entah masa lalu, bagian tubuh tertentu, atau sesimpel malu.

Tapi lucunya, saat ada orang lain yang tau entah gimana ceritanya dan cuma bereaksi "terus? Apa yang perlu dirahasiain? Kenapa harus malu?" rasanya jadi pengen nyanyi...

LET IT GOOO~ LET IT GOOO~ CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOREEE~

Mungkin, seseorang menyimpan rahasia bukan karna takut ketauan, melainkan takut akan penolakan.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Come What May

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Tengah malem kebangun, bingung mau ngapain, bosen sama sosmed, yaudah nge-blog aja deh.

Nulis apa ya? Paling gampang sih bikin recap. Jadi inget salah satu tips di buku Creative Writing nya A.S. Laksana di mana dia bilang bahwa dalam menulis, tulis jelek dan cepet dulu aja, ntar kan bisa dibenerin lagi.

Tapi katanya juga, kalau sambil nulis ya nulis aja, jangan sambil ngedit juga. Haha, ini gw banget lah! Gatelan buat ngedit tulisan sendiri, ujung-ujungnya tulis-apus-tulis-apus trus ngga kelar-kelar.

Hmm.. let's see. Highlight selama Mei (nyerempet pertengahan Juni):
  • Volunteer Europe On Screen: Jakarta
  • Volunter 1000 Petualang Cilik: Rumah Perubahan, (hampir) Bekasi
  • Tugas dinas pertama: CIFOR, Bogor
  • Mendadak jalan-jalan dinas: Medan-Samosir
  • (Soon) Tugas dinas kedua: Semarang
  • (Soon) Tamasya: Situs Gunung Padang, Cianjur
  • (Soon) Direct Assesment Indonesia Mengajar: Jakarta

Highlight-nya banyakan tentang kerjaan banget Del? Ya gitu deh. Gw sih super menikmati, terutama selama jadi volunteer EOS. Selama 10 hari di bulan Mei, tiap pulang kantor pasti ngusahain main ke salah satu venue EOS. Seringnya sih ke Erasmus.

Kebetulan gw cuma dapet jaga di hari Jumat-Minggu doang, jadi hari Senin-Kamis bisa nonton 1 film. Mayan lah. Eh tapi hari Kamis gw absen deng, soalnya ke Akber bareng Cune.

Selain film-filmnya yang emang pilihan, yang paling bikin gw menikmati adalah temen-temennya. Chemistry antar volunteer tuh udah kerasa dari awal briefing. Entah sugesti atau gimana ya, tapi gw ngerasanya gitu. Lagian gpp juga sih kalau sugesti.

Waktu hari terakhir jaga, untuk pertama kalinya gw naik kereta terakhir banget-bangetan dari Stasiun Tanah Abang jam setengah 12 malem. Dan itu injury time, 15 menit dari Epicentrum sampai duduk ngos-ngosan di kereta. PAS BANGET masuk, pintu kereta ditutup.

Mak jaaang sensasinya! Kalau telat sekian detik aja gatau deh pulang naik apa. Bokek banget kalau harus terpaksa naik taksi. Ini demi banget bela-belain pulang mepet biar tetep bisa ikut kumpul-kumpul di hari terakhir.

Trus seru gitu, se-gerbong cuma gw sendiri (plus mas-mas penjaga tentunya). Eh apa lebih dari satu gerbong ya jangan-jangan? Soalnya sepi buangeeet, mayan bikin deg-deg-seeerrr.. ngebayangin gimana kalau itu kereta hantu dan masnya tau-tau terbang. Hiii..

Setelah EOS selesai, ternyata ada lagi acara kumpul-kumpul. UHUY! Dan gw bikin puding matcha. Mungkin buat orang lain ini cemen banget, tapi buat gw yang paling males nyentuh dapur, sampai gw inisiatif masak tuh artinya yaaa.. segitunya.

Makasih temen-temen volunteer EOS 2014 :)

Tapi dunia itu ngga selamanya seneng-seneng doang. Ada kabar duka: Chimoy meninggal di tanggal 14 Mei, dikasih tau Andini. Tapi ternyata katanya udah meninggalnya dari 12 Mei malem, Andini nya juga baru tau dari satpam. Bahkan Chimoy meninggal sendirian tanpa ada yang tau :'(

Ah gamau bahas ah, sedih, huhuhu. Chimoy nya udah nyusulin Chiput ke surga, harusnya gw gausa sedih-sedihan kan :')

Kalau tadi kabar duka, sekarang kabar gembira: Ririn, temen surat-suratan gw, dilamar bulan Mei ini. Hihi, seneng banget dengernya. Sayang gw ngga bisa hadir, padahal pasti seru tuh kalau bisa dateng ke NTB-nyerempet-Lombok. Okelah, next time!

OH IYA! Bahkan hampir kelupaan kalau gw ulang tahun di bulan Mei ini. Dibikinin video beginian sama manusia-manusia yang lagi Kampoeng Jazz-an:


Walaupun ada embel-embel "meme anjing pudel" dan Uswah rese nyebut-nyebut umur berbanding terbalik sama berat badan, tapi makasiiih :))

Di akhir bulan ini ada Mubes MBUI bagian dua, tapi dua-duanya ngga bisa dateng. Emang 'ngga diizinin' sama Semesta kayanya. Bentrok lalilulelo mulu tiap mau dateng Mubes.

Begitulah Mei-ku yang seru berakhir. Hari ini gw ke Semarang, tapi sampai sekarang blom juga packing. Piye iki rasanya malas betuuul. Ngga bisa ya simsalabim koper rapi sendiri?

Yaudalah ya, come what may.