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Showing posts from November, 2017

Dua Sendok Teh

"Jadi, lo suka nggak sama dia?" Saya gelagapan mendapati diri bertanya monolog. Padahal, rasanya mau bilang "gimana bisa nggak?"

Suka.

Nggak harus konteksnya hubungan romantis. Bleh. Makin ke sini saya makin merasa orang-orang memaknai 'romantisme' sedikit terlalu berlebihan. Bikin giung.

Suka.

Kadang sesederhana warna favorit. Atau alasan kenapa beli baju yang motifnya aneh. Atau keputusan untuk memilih destinasi wisata. Atau jawaban ketika urek-urek lembar SPMB dan menentukan jurusan.

Suka.

Jungkir-balik mencari alasan yang masuk akal, dan akhirnya menemukan bahwa manusia memang makhluk irasional yang mencoba berpikir. Bukan sebaliknya, makhluk rasional yang mencoba merasa.

Suka.

Kata yang tepat untuk mewakili rasa 'dua sendok teh'.

Rambling Thoughts, Rambling Feelings

What does writing mean to you?
For me,
I don’t write to impress.
Nor give information.
Or something like create legacy. Nope. I write to express.
Like now.
When I avoid conflict.
Avoid uncomfortable conversation.
Avoid eye contact.
Avoid showing my real feeling.
Avoid everything. Things going on in my head.
In my heart.
Aching.
And I keep denying. And to know someone noticing things I hide.
It sucks. There are times when I confront.
But the rest, I prefer back off.
Fuck off. No need to discuss.
No need to argue.
Even, no need to compromise. So, what does writing mean to me?
An emotional outlet.
For things that can't be said. Why is it so hard?
Why am I so defensive?

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From my draft writing long ago, finally posted as a reminder that:

We're not okay most of times, but at least there are times when we really mean what we say "I'm okay to be not okay". Okay?