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Showing posts from January, 2018

Mencari Patah Hati

Haha, aneh ya? Patah hati kok dicari?
Jadi gini. Saya lagi waswas nih. Sekarang saya ada dalam kondisi seharusnya merasa patah hati. Tapi kok ya malah biasa aja.
Kenapa waswas? Karena tingkatan di atas patah hati adalah mati rasa. Tapi jangan-jangan, bisa jadi bukan mati rasa, cuma nggak benar-benar sepenuh hati.
Makanya, saya lagi ‘turun gunung’ nengokin ‘album’ jatuh cinta dan membayangkan sebaliknya. Tapi jadi membingungkan. Kok ya rasanya malah hangat banget. Bukan patah hati, bukan juga mati rasa. Dibilang nggak sepenuh hati juga bukan. Beneran ternyata, bukan basa-basi.
Ah, mungkin sistem kerja otak dan hati lagi eror se-eror-eror-nya. Atau emang ingatan dan perasaan manusia tuh diragukan originalitasnya. Bisa seenaknya dikurangi atau ditambah. Banyak bumbunya. Waktu saya cerita ke seorang teman, dia aja sampai bilang “Del, kok bisa sih?” Ya nggak tau. Saya pun masih mencari patah hati.
Kenapa rumit amat sih mempelajari emosi?

Find a Name

I miss the Old Della.
Della and her raw emotion.
Della and her impulsiveness.
Della and her complicated thoughts.
Della and her colorful ways to express art.
Della and her curiosity towards things.
Della and her careless pride.
Della and her sincerity. 
Now that the Old Della is old enough, she's kind of boring.
Too content.
Too plain.
Too simple.
Too mindful.
Too distant.
Too selfless.
Too.......... adult.
Sometimes, the brand new self ain't that fun to play with anymore. It's like trying to tease your lazy cat but she doesn't even bother to move an inch.
I don't even bother to stay at home on new year, working. Perfectly fine I even wonder... do I still need to celebrate anything?
New year party.
Birthday party.
Wedding party.
Bridal shower party.
Lebaran party.
And other parties. You name it.
These things can no longer turn me on. Not that it's not important momentum. It's just... it's reaaally hard to get this New Della to get excited.
What's w…