Find a Name

I miss the Old Della.
Della and her raw emotion.
Della and her impulsiveness.
Della and her complicated thoughts.
Della and her colorful ways to express art.
Della and her curiosity towards things.
Della and her careless pride.
Della and her sincerity. 

Now that the Old Della is old enough, she's kind of boring.
Too content.
Too plain.
Too simple.
Too mindful.
Too distant.
Too selfless.
Too.......... adult.

Sometimes, the brand new self ain't that fun to play with anymore. It's like trying to tease your lazy cat but she doesn't even bother to move an inch.

I don't even bother to stay at home on new year, working. Perfectly fine I even wonder... do I still need to celebrate anything?

New year party.
Birthday party.
Wedding party.
Bridal shower party.
Lebaran party.
And other parties. You name it.

These things can no longer turn me on. Not that it's not important momentum. It's just... it's reaaally hard to get this New Della to get excited.

What's wrong, dear?

Oh I shall find a name for this feeling. It's not loneliness. Not even sadness. Nor depression. So what is it? Find a name, find a name.

2 comments:

Shanti said...

anjir parah! was feeling and being like that for years.. ahahah..

sampe gw naik hysteria di dufan dan menemukan "oh the old shanti is still here after all" trus jadi super hepi 😀

fidella anandhita savitri said...

Jadi namanya apa? Udah dikasih nama blom? Haha.

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