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Showing posts from January, 2019

KELAAARRR!!!

Akhirnya beres juga! Lumayan euy 30 hari nulis pakai bahasa Inggris. Ternyata kayak gini toh rasanya. Peer juga yah. Gara-garanya sebel, kenapa sekarang gw makin kek naq Jaksel? Atuhlah sekalian aja latihan nulis penuh pakai bahasa Inggris.

Walaupun makin toleran untuk pakai bahasa campur karena kadang 'rasa bahasa' nggak bisa diwakili oleh bahasa tunggal, tetep aja pengen coba eksperimen. Hasilnya? Maksa! Ada masa nulis jadi singkat-singkat dan nggak tahaaaaaaan~ pengen ngomong gw, alih-alih I.
GW GW GW GW GW GW GW GW!!! Tuh. Puas?
Yaudah, kan sekarang udah kelar nih. Februari mau ngapain lagi? Nggak usah nyusahin diri sendiri mulu nggak bisa ya, Del? Udah diturutin tuh pake 'gw' -_-
Ngomong-ngomong, gw lagi seneng! Sedang menggodok proyek seru yang aaah.. mari kita lihat aja hasilnya nanti. Gw juga nggak berani berekspektasi terlalu tinggi. Biasanya kecewa, trus malah males-malesan ngerjainnya. Ide mah murah, eksekusi yang mahal, kan?

#30 Finishing

Della 2: "Finish just for the sake of finishing. Not really enjoy it, but it's okay."
Della 1: "Geez, it's writing! How could you not enjoy it?!"
Della 2: "You know what, in Greek, 'passion' means 'to suffer'."

#29 Stopping

Stop saying yes to everything and give yourself a break. Yes, you deserve freedom of choice. But no! You don't have to choose too many.

#28 Forcing

Just get shit done, they said.

#27 Working

There is a thin line between being busy and productive.

#26 Regretting

Few times ago, a friend asked if I ever had regret. That was a tricky question. I tried to find one but still didn't seem like it was that bad I should call it a regret. Besides, most of times, every wrong decision turned out to be an unexpected surprise and I kinda liked it. Those things which felt like falling into pieces, fell back into places eventually. So, long story short, I said I don't think I do regret.

But now I guess I know one. So stupid I haven't realized it back then, but it was too late. Or not?

#25 Learning

Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn.

#24 Remembering

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Just finished watching documentary "Memory Hackers" on Netflix. Scientifically valid that memory can be 'manipulated', proven from one experiment about false memory which the participants were pursued to believe they committed to crime. And they did.

Also, drugs can turn off our fear 'button' in our mind so we're no longer afraid of something. Arachnophobia --fear of spider-- for example.

But as much as I begin to realize how fucked up our memory is, I still believe that remembering is beautiful thing. It might not be precise, but precious. Like quote from the documentary that said:
"Maybe we have a misconception of what the purpose of memory is. We think of it more as an accurate recording of past experiences as opposed to a creative process of combining our experiences over time"

#23 Changing

Change is inevitable. Adaptation is optional. Still getting used to this back to basic blog theme while keeping my all time favourite banner, the attractive red hair lady with green eyes, found somewhere in internet. Gosh I wish I could paint this as a mural art on my bedroom wall. Also, dyed my hair red. But realistically speaking, I think I'll look awful in red hair.

Sooo.. never mind. Just blabbering the nonsense.
Anyway, why changing the theme again? The last one is not that bad though. Umm.. to be honest, I feel uneasy every time I review post using that new theme. It's nice but it's like getting rid of my entire identity. This default theme can provide that sense of familiarity, I don't know why.
One more thing. I like keeping archive posts. With the last theme, it's a constant struggle to edit the code manually to keep the oldest post exists. Not planning to delete any of those anyway, no matter how embarrassing I was back then in my 20s. After all, the bes…

#22 Thinking

8 more days and I still can't do #nooverthinkingchallenge.

#21 Detaching

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I almost got a heart attack when my laptop had to re-boot. How about all my data? I screamed inside.

Yeah, I still can back it up and copy-paste it again later. But that's not the point. It's the attachment, the inability to let go. That's the root of suffering, like what Buddha said.

Now that I already have all my data backed up in Time Machine, I still haven't copy-paste all files. I only keep what is necessary.

Scanning through all folders, I just realize something. Actually, the evil roots in the download folder. Such a mess and full of junk! Sooo.. lesson number one: keep it always empty. Delete files as soon as you no longer need it, Del.

Thank me later.

#20 Quitting

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Dear, you don't do anything wrong. Why feeling guilty? Stop blaming yourself for failing to make people get what you mean. When they know, they know. Chill. Besides, you only quit job. Not quit yourself.

#19 Avoiding

"You tend to avoid problems," said a friend, on a ride back home.

"I know," I replied, not denying anything.

"But everyone has their own coping mechanism, yes? No worries," she tried to cheer me up. Well, cheer herself up too, I guessed.

"Indeed. That's why I write. So I couldn't hide. Nor lied. What about you?"

She shrugged. And that night were spent in silent.

#18 Healing

3 times got sick in this month, had insomnia, didn't feel like working nor meeting people, and didn't have the appetite to eat. Geez, take care of yourself. Come on! It's 2019 already. Get a life. Good days, bad days, it's all just a phase.

#17 Frowning

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Hold it, not?

#16 Singing

I remember when I was 1st grade of high school, I didn't do my homework and my teacher punished me to sing in front of the class.

I sang "I will Fly" by Ten2five and "Arjuna" by Dewa 19. It was a disaster haha. But no one laughed. They appreciated it as it is, as punishment :))
As now I reminisce those embarassing yet good old times, I realize singing is another thing I enjoy. Well... of course it's just sing a long in karaoke, under shower, or in car.

I wonder, should I try singing in front of public? Just to test whether I'm brave enough and it's not because it's a punishment.

#15 Raving

Always get worse with lack of sleep.

#14 Fighting

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- Fight Club

#13 Confessing

Disclaimer: this post will be so cheesy you can even make pizza out of it. Honestly speaking, I fear to death that anyone will read this, but obviously there will be. It's a public space anyway. But I feel like writing, thus I write. Sooo.. here I present you my longlife drama. Enjoy the show!

Hai Tuan,

Apa kabar? Aku sebenarnya mau pengakuan. Langsung saja ya, aku tak mahir basa-basi. Jadi begini. Aku punya beberapa tokoh yang kusebut Tuan, tapi ujung-ujungnya, yang paling spesial cuma kamu. Aku sampai kesal sendiri karena ini bukan cuma gombal. Tapi kupikir, tak apa juga. Toh begitu juga sebaliknya. Kamu punya banyak tokoh yang kau sebut Nona, tapi bagimu, aku masih berkesan kan? Akui saja ;p

Omong-omong Tuan, kamu tahu kan kamu menyebalkan? Sangat bahkan! Aku cari kamu terus, tapi kamu susah ditemui. Ya salah aku juga sih, mencari lewat telepati. Mana sampai? Memangnya kamu alien? Iya sih, mirip. Haha.

Tapi yang mungkin tak kamu tahu, aku tak kalah menyebalkan. Aku sekeras kepa…

#12 Running

When you run, the only person you're competing with is yourself. You don't have to be the fastest. You just have to run and get better every time. Keep that in mind, and you'll always win.

#11 Writing

I don't know how many times writing has saved me going through difficult and confusing times. It helps me to clear up my mind, define my emotion, and be there when I need company but want to be alone.

So, thank you, words, for existing in this world.

#10 Designing

Like dancing, the same goes to designing. There are times I get frustrated when I can't create one satisfying work due to lack of skill. Then, I stopped since... hmm, 2016? I guess.

Now that my sister and I are doing a week and month challenge, I feel like I finally find my half. I can do the storytelling and she does the drawing.
But the designing and creative process, it's a teamwork! Glad to be back to things I once enjoyed.

#9 Dancing

I might not have the decent skill. Those perfect jump and kick technique in ballet, complicated but precise step in tap dance, or else. I already accept it will take me forever if I want to master that. But now, I'm too old and stiff for that :))

But the love of dancing, it never changes. The joyful sensation is still there. Always. So well, after years of postponement, I guess now it's time!

All I need is to do is de-cluttering unnecessary time spent wasted, and make time for hobbies and things that "spark joy".

#8 Giving

Once there was a tree
And she loved a little boy

And every day
The boy would come
And he would gather her leaves
And make them into crowns
And play king of forest

He would climb up her trunk
And swing from her branches
And eat apples
And they would play hide-and-go seek

And when he was tired
He would sleep
In her shade
And the boy loved the tree very much

And the tree was happy

But time went by
And the boy grew older
And the tree was often alone

Then one day the boy came to the tree
And the tree said, "Come, boy, and climb up my trunk
And swing from my branches
And eat apples
And play in my shade
And be happy"

"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy
"I want to buy things and have fun
I want some money
Can you give me some money?"

"I'm sorry," said the tree
"But I have no money
I have only leaves and apples
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city
Then you will have money
And you will be happy"

And so the boy climbed u…

#7 Moving

Miles Morales: When will I know I'm ready?
Peter B. Parker: You won't. It's a leap of faith. That's all it is, Miles. A leap of faith. Why wait for May? Come what may.

#6 Feeling

Della 1: "Congratulation, you've made it! You conquer your fear and doubt. Even, your ego. How do you feel? Relief? No more haunted by serial dreams, yes?"

Della 2: "Indeed. I finally realize that nothing is a waste of time, energy, or even money, if I know something is worth fighting for. Nothing great comes easy. Even if I lose the battle, at least I've won over myself. I'm doing the right thing."

Della 1: "Question now, are you ready to open up for relationship again? Being vulnerable and allowing yourself to count on someone. Letting that someone messing with your life. Loving that someone so much it hurts. Having a broken heart but no regret."

Della 2: "I'm ready, but it might take some times. There's no one, anyway :))"

Della 1: "Doesn't matter. Take your time. At least you know you want it because you know it's worth it. Love is a beautiful thing. It's a privilege, not a weakness."

Della 2: "…

#5 Asking

Della 1: "Hi, Del. It's me!"
Della 2: "WTF you again."
Della 1: "I'm always here btw."
Della 2: "Now what?"
Della 1: "Easy girl. Just wanna ask... well, never mind." Della 2: "?"

#4 Refraining

There is reason why car has a brake. Because sometimes, all we have to do is to stop for a while, before we continue our journey.

#3 Folding

The obvious truth about doing chores is it won't finish itself unless you get that shit done.

A little confession: I never do ironing. But I do folding clothes. Especially in time like this, where I'm learning how to do Konmari method by myself. The principle is simple: make a rectangle shape and fold it 3 times until it 'stands' (I have no idea how to explain it).

Problem is, not all clothes have fine line (in literal meaning). Sometimes the outliers need a little trick to fold into rectangle shape. And hell, Y U NO STAND?!

When feeling frustrated, I wish I could wear same easy-folding clothes every day. But my question to myself, if I discard the joy just because it's difficult and replace it with what's easy, will that bring me joy?

Sooo.. well, to finish strong, sometimes we have to let go of perfection and uniformity. Embrace the uniqueness of things that spark joy. Or else, we'll never get shit done.

#2 Decluttering

People grow.
Sometimes they grow together, sometimes they grow apart.
Like your favorite shirt you once loved so much but now it's no longer fit.
Not sure if you're getting big or it shrinks.

But before saying goodbye, make sure you express gratitude.
Thank you for all good memories!
It's time to buy new shirt.

#1 Highlight 2018

Actually, I'd like to present good stuff about this year, like got invited to be speakers in plenty events, finally released "Mimpi Anak Seberang" book, successfully handled Limitless Campus batch 2, initiated Kelas Inspirasi Tangsel Goes to LPKA Tangerang, visited Shure University in Japan, and other things.

But the highlight of this year was about redefining myself.

2018 was very tough and confusing for me. I felt kinda lose faith in humanity and kindness. I was being suspicious and doubtful, believing that behind every good deed lies something fishy. I struggled with trust issue.

Also, it was a year of uncertainty. Life purpose I kept repeating over and over again became a vague word. A term without definition. A preach without substance.

For those who knew me so well, they relentlessly tried to pull me back while I kept numbing my own overwhelming feeling as a coping mechanism. I sorta lost myself.

At the end, it was such a pain yet a relief to finally decide that I…

Etalase Rasa

"Buset gw udah 5 tahun nggak ke GPMB"
Setelah puas 3 hari berturut-turut 'lebaran MB' di Istora dari mulai try out sampai grand final, saya baru sadar sudah sekian lama menjauh dari dunia tempat saya tumbuh.

Sempat beberapa waktu lalu mimpiin MBUI dan orang-orang tertentu terus, dari yang santai "yaudalah namanya juga mimpi" sampai risih "kenapa sering dan intens banget sih mimpinya?"

Mungkin emang segitu kangennya. Atau justru kebalikannya, saya lagi dikangenin segitunya (walaupun logika ini susah diterima akal sehat).

Katanya, rindu itu obatnya bertemu. Makanya, saya samperin sekalian. Daripada kepikiran, kan?

Puas ngikutin GPMB, saya mulai nostalgia, nonton video akhir tahun MBUI yang ada di Youtube.

Lalu mendaratlah saya pada video di tahun 2013, di mana saya bantu bikin selipan pesan. Sedikit cuplikannya: "Tiap akhir perjalanan pasti meninggalkan kesan. Dan setiap kesan akan meninggalkan kenangan. Namun, kenangan tak akan meninggalkan k…